I went shopping the other day only to find a horror show in Tesco. The battery chicken is disgusting and I've decided to go strictly organic. In the canteen downstairs you can buy a half chicken for £2.50. As far as I am concerned, a whole chicken should cost round £8 - £10. When you can buy a chicken for £3 - £4, something is wrong. There are 60 million people in the UK, lets say ¹/₃ of them eat a quarter chicken, a breast or a couple of thighs, that's ⁶⁰/₃ = 20 million people eating a quarter chicken, thats 5 million chickens a day. That's a lot of chicken and you can be sure they are not reared with names or even numbers, they live in their own piss and shit, are crippled and walk amongst their own dead, every chicken coup in the land is like a chicken somme, and i'm not abbreviating consomme, I am referring to the battle of the Somme. Chicken Somme. I wrote a letter of complaint to Tesco.


Dear Tesco Customer Service,

A new Tesco store has opened in my neighborhood. The store in mention is on Clifton Gardens, Maida Vale and I have been going in to buy my groceries since it opened. I am afraid to say that I can no longer support shopping at Tesco and will be forced to source a more ethical alternative. There have been two occasions in the last week where I have been subjected to the most appalling sight in your store.

I was shocked to see the state of the whole chickens in your store. The chickens have black spots on their legs and I’d like to know if you are aware of where these black spots come from. Battery chickens are pumped with steroids and grow at such a rate that their legs are not developed enough to carry them. As a result the chickens live in a pool of their own feces and urine. This then turns to ammonia, and it is the ammonia that burns the legs of these animals.

You can see why I have a problem with the fact that right next to the ‘Organic’ chicken, is a whole chicken that has been burned by the foul morass of its own piss and shit. Tesco has a responsibility, as outlined by its own declaration of ‘Healthy Living’ and ‘Social Responsibility’ to provide the customer with products that are both healthy and obtained in an ethical manner. I can only assume that your corporate talk of social responsibility is a slick marketing ploy to reel in as many of the fools that are born every minute as you can.

As a result, I can’t believe that your organic products are what they say they are. Tesco is making a mockery of the organic movement and needs to gain control over quality assurance and standards, as this role appears to be vacant.

Sincerely,

Alex Learmont